May this blog be a blessing to you as you seek to understand the why's behind addiction and where to go from here.

Friday, December 11, 2015

All Things Work for Good

Man, this takes a lot of faith. I have had the burden of circumstances weighing heavily upon me, and I've been drowning in my own pity and sorrow.

My wife seems bent on divorce during particular moments, and I don't feel that it matters what I'm trying to do to work my way out of my issues. I get this feeling around my household when I go to visit, that the Daddy age has ended, and the party age is just beginning. I've been asking my wife for advice on how to interact with the kids, and I am hoping that it is the beginning of many dialogues to come. In other words, I feel that it is working in a positive direction, but I can never be sure, because of the utter lack of consistency that I get from my wife day in, day out. She doesn't seem interested in our relationship very much, that's for sure. She is more interested in my relationship with my kids.

Brothers in Christ have been telling me all sorts of things, from "just prepare for divorce" to "serve you wife and kids as best you can, and hopefully she'll come around". The best advice that I've gotten is that I need to leave it in God's hands, that this is a God-sized issue that is beyond me. But that is a lot easier said than done.

I've had to analyze why I feel everything is leading toward doom, that even divorce itself is the ultimate doom. I think I'm realizing (yet again) that there is a relationship addiction present that I need to let go of, but also I am realizing that I don't trust God. Like the parable of the invested talents, I am like the one talent guy that views God as a horrible taskmaster, and as a result, God will not invest in that attitude.

Thankfully I have a brother, Steven, that has been kicking my butt a bit and telling me that no matter what happens, God knows what is best for me. And that I have to believe that, and anything else is a matter of me believing Satan's lies. So, as hard as it seems, I have to give my situation with my wife up to God. Even if she divorces me, I just have to keep believing that God has a plan, and not harden my heart or sulk for years on end. Our Lord is good, no matter what. And that is what I need to believe. As much as I love my wife, and still hope all goes well and we both repent of our sins completely, I need to COMPLETELY give it over to God and not dwell on it any more, except to lay my petitions before Him in prayer and trust the outcome.

Lord, please give me the strength to persevere, looking to you for all the answers and outcomes for my life, because I have to believe that you will make everything right in your own timing. I surrender ALL.

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