May this blog be a blessing to you as you seek to understand the why's behind addiction and where to go from here.

Thursday, September 15, 2016

Porn and the Celebration of Absolute Evil

The addict's viewing of pornography fellowships perfectly with sacrificing children to idols.

Think that's a bit extreme? Well, as one views porn, they are partaking and celebrating in the destruction of at least one soul, and at least one relationship. In many cases, women do not have much of a choice in who they are with, or what they have to do. They are often in pain by the men's exploits, and some ex-porn actresses talk about how men would often purposefully inflict pain because they got off on it. These young women with perfect bodies, who were once a bouncing baby and a little girl with pigtails, are being steeped in their own sinful choices, along with whatever pain is being inflicted on them. Many ex-porn actresses tell of the suicidal feelings that they had for weeks on end after making sex movies. All for your moment of pleasure.

It's funny how many intellects can see the harm that TV has upon our next generation, because it slowly decays at the mind of our children. But that same decay can't be applied to the spiritual sexual funk that we engage in, and the celebration of destroying someone else's purity. So, just as the next generation is being sacrificed on the altar of mind-numbing peace, these young people's purity is being sacrificed on the altar of mind-numbing pleasure.

The bible astutely parallels rebellion with witchcraft. That's because witchcraft at its root is the worship of the created, bypassing the creator for whatever mechanisms we can derive to heal ourselves and find 'inner peace' on our own. Witchcraft taken to it's Nth degree involves temple prostitution and child sacrifice, and pornography (sexual perversion) segues nicely with these atrocities. It is along the same 'timeline' of perversion.

Don't believe me? Just ask Ted Bundy, who witnessed in an interview with Focus on the Family's James Dobson about how he as a young Christian grew in his distortion of sexuality through constant use of porn, until he finally obsessed for and carried out kidnappings and murders of young women for his own perverted lust.

The statistics prove that most porn addicts graduate to harder forms of imagery, eventually finding themselves in bondage, rape, and murder porn. Crime statistics are starting to show that sexual crimes are often embedded in porn use. Men doing hard time for harming women. All for their moment of pleasure.

Next time you log on to the internet, just think about the final resting place of sin: death. Death of relationships, death of your conscience, and if you take it as far as some others have, possibly the death of some poor soul that becomes the "temporary" object of your desire.

It doesn't have to be this way. Your degradation does not need to continue to spiral downward. Reach out. Get help. Live in faith. Live a real life filled with pain and glory. We're sinful and fallen, but together we can help each other out of these self-dug pits.

Saturday, April 16, 2016


I don't think anyone is truly broken until they are faced with their own evil heart. Once you truly know your own sin, a sadness settles into you that is entirely difficult to shake. I'm not talking about seeing what everyone else says about you. No, I mean once you see through the eyes of God just how desperately wicked you are. When you want to crawl under a rock and never return to the living.

Yet, somehow I persevere. God yet loves me and needs me to learn this lesson.

One has two choices when faced with despair:

  1. Settle into it, like a man laying face down in the mud and just choosing to wallow in it. Allow it to pervade your being and then grow roots of bitterness into your soul, so that every time you are presented with the topic again, bitterness rises like a familiar old friend, and then anger overtakes you.
  2. Take the sadness to God. Allow yourself to be broken before Him, humble before His Lordship and majesty. He is your daddy and He cares about every tear you cry. He cares about the state of your heart and wants you to heal. And only He can help you heal from the harm you have done to yourself and others.
It has been too easy for me to prescribe actions and scriptures, when in fact my own heart has been too dedicated to bitterness. I am beginning a journey of trying to dig up these roots of bitterness and throwing them on the fire. With God's help, my heart will be rich soil worthy of planting his seed within and wonderful fruit can finally grow in my household.

Monday, January 25, 2016

What's My Motivation

As I continue to explore the issues at hand and ask God to reveal to me what I need to look for in my heart, my focus continues to stay on the foundational or root issues. And I've realized that my motivation for seeking healing has often been off base.

Like many addicts and habitual sinners, I continue with cyclical behavior until there is a painful consequence, and then I scramble for a time to change my behavior and make others happy. My focus is then on people and the pain, not on pleasing God, which should be my highest priority. Yes, there have been personal reasons for not having God as my highest priority (mainly, not understanding the character and love of God and therefore not trusting Him), and those are discussed in other articles.

But as I connect the links in this chain of healing and recovery and break the bonds of unhealthy behavior, I have to realize that I can't be a "man pleaser" as the bible puts it. My first desire should be to please God, and therefore my repentance from my habitual sin should be with a focus on doing so for my relationship with God, and not because I am living in fear about the lost relationships because of the continued sin. I can't focus on the pain that I'm in, because it is cyclical and fleeting, and I will always rationalize it away and fall back into the cycles of habitual sin.

But if my focus is on healing for myself and my relationship with God, then my attitude takes on more of a spirit of "against You and You alone have I sinned," coming before God to re-establish a right spirit and a real relationship. I look to God first for the answers and the healing power, rather than the old method of applying temporary patches so my wife is satiated while I continue to make God hang out in the outer courtyards of my life. I didn't understand that I was doing that, but I was. The new approach is to then learn to invite God into every room of my life as my Daddy, the one who loves me, and the one who I want to have purview over everything, because He knows what is best for me. When my attitude turns to one of priority over pain, I have experienced different levels of genuine repentance. I want to repent because I have a God who will never leave me and loves me, and I want to please Him. He is not fickle in His love, and He will never abandon nor forsake me. And that makes me want to repent.

That said, I need to turn my relationship with my wife and my entire sexuality over to God. I expect that God will do wonderful things, because He is in the business of doing so. I don't demand it. But He's my Daddy, and I can go to Him continually and ask Him for the change in my heart and in that of my family. Nonetheless, I have to fathom the possibility of divorce and continued pain as a possibility, and realize that I have to leave all of that in God's hands, let go of it, and proceed with my relationship with Him, fully and unabated by the motivation to fear or please others.

In other words, I have to focus on the priority, not the pain. God first, then all else.

God, please be my Father, my Daddy. Forgive me for harming my relationship with You time and again, and help me to seek you with all of my heart. I pray that our relationship would be healed, above all others. I also pray for my wife's heart to be healed, and for you to restore our marriage - it is dead and would need to be resurrected by your healing touch, your power. Please allow me to be the father and husband that I am meant to be, and may your name be glorified above all when everything is said and done.

The folks at Top Addiction Networks (formerly Transformed Hearts) have written a great article on what I'm talking about here: