Emotional Anorexia

Emotional Anorexia is a seemingly new definition to the addiction scene, and it essentially means this: that you withhold love, affection, and/or intimacy from your loved ones. There are a number of symptoms that are evidenced with this issue, wherein the "withholdings" can vary over time.

I don't think I'd yet be able to provide the best explanation for this issue, so I'm going to send you over to an article at Transformed Hearts that gives it a complete treatment:

http://transformedhearts.com/intimacy-obstacle-2-intimacy-anorexia/

I will say that though one spouse (the one that usually plays the part of judge/jury/executioner) will moreso withhold love than the other, there will invariably be symptoms on both sides of an unhealthy relationship. For example, a wife may exhibit all of the symptoms toward a husband caught in an addiction, but the very addiction itself may be a way to escape the pain and frustration of one's own failures or the failed relationship itself, and the addict is withholding the love and affection that should be due their loved one as a result. Porn addicts, for example, lack the ability to engage in true intimacy with their spouses, because they don't need to navigate the possibilities of conflict, pain, or disappointment if they can select and control all of the fantasies they want in their own little world. So the true relationship suffers while they live for their own pleasure.

Addicts in general have a way of numbing and medicating their pain, avoiding the conflict that might arise from it in relationships. Without healing in the relationship, it will stagnate and die, so both spouses need to find ways to connect, and the folks over at Transformed Hearts have some advice on where to start.