The addict's viewing of pornography fellowships perfectly with sacrificing children to idols.
Think that's a bit extreme? Well, as one views porn, they are partaking and celebrating in the destruction of at least one soul, and at least one relationship. In many cases, women do not have much of a choice in who they are with, or what they have to do. They are often in pain by the men's exploits, and some ex-porn actresses talk about how men would often purposefully inflict pain because they got off on it. These young women with perfect bodies, who were once a bouncing baby and a little girl with pigtails, are being steeped in their own sinful choices, along with whatever pain is being inflicted on them. Many ex-porn actresses tell of the suicidal feelings that they had for weeks on end after making sex movies. All for your moment of pleasure.
It's funny how many intellects can see the harm that TV has upon our next generation, because it slowly decays at the mind of our children. But that same decay can't be applied to the spiritual sexual funk that we engage in, and the celebration of destroying someone else's purity. So, just as the next generation is being sacrificed on the altar of mind-numbing peace, these young people's purity is being sacrificed on the altar of mind-numbing pleasure.
The bible astutely parallels rebellion with witchcraft. That's because witchcraft at its root is the worship of the created, bypassing the creator for whatever mechanisms we can derive to heal ourselves and find 'inner peace' on our own. Witchcraft taken to it's Nth degree involves temple prostitution and child sacrifice, and pornography (sexual perversion) segues nicely with these atrocities. It is along the same 'timeline' of perversion.
Don't believe me? Just ask Ted Bundy, who witnessed in an interview with Focus on the Family's James Dobson about how he as a young Christian grew in his distortion of sexuality through constant use of porn, until he finally obsessed for and carried out kidnappings and murders of young women for his own perverted lust.
The statistics prove that most porn addicts graduate to harder forms of imagery, eventually finding themselves in bondage, rape, and murder porn. Crime statistics are starting to show that sexual crimes are often embedded in porn use. Men doing hard time for harming women. All for their moment of pleasure.
Next time you log on to the internet, just think about the final resting place of sin: death. Death of relationships, death of your conscience, and if you take it as far as some others have, possibly the death of some poor soul that becomes the "temporary" object of your desire.
It doesn't have to be this way. Your degradation does not need to continue to spiral downward. Reach out. Get help. Live in faith. Live a real life filled with pain and glory. We're sinful and fallen, but together we can help each other out of these self-dug pits.
Showing posts with label porn. Show all posts
Showing posts with label porn. Show all posts
Thursday, September 15, 2016
Thursday, November 5, 2015
It's All Porn
I presented a definition of the word "porn" to my wife when I recently informed her of my fight to fully avoid pornography. This was mainly because as an addict, the power of the addiction often times causes us to be deceptive with ourselves and our loved ones, and in the past I had often deceived her with a tangle of word-woven lies. It is this deception that I'm hoping to unravel even now, for myself and for all of you.
My definition of porn to her was "the nude image of a woman other than my wife". Although that is a good start, I think that I am realizing that the porneia spoken about in the bible doesn't just stop there. Porneia is sexual immorality, and while the word usage normally centered upon the prostitution associated with the temples during that age in Greek society, there is ample evidence from other Greek literature that the use of the Koine Greek (the language of the New Testament) word porneia ventures into all forms of sexual immorality.
If a man masturbates while watching porn, the hormones and neuro-chemicals that he releases are actually causing his mind to be mapped to the images in front of him; so much so that addicts are continually drawn to the undulating images and are patternistically drawn to particular genres of sites, porn actresses, etc; maybe particular hair colors, maybe particular activities. The point being, a man will continue to find affinity with the characters represented in the pixels, and his soul will be bound to the "prostitutes" on the computer screen equally as much as if he had fornicated with a real prostitute at the local temple of some deity.
The bible is pretty strong about avoiding adultery and fornication, as a believer joins the Holy Spirit with the prostitute, which is an evil act. You are actually subjecting the "new creation", the eternal being at the core of your soul that is inexorably connected with God via the Holy Spirit, with sin. Since this is clearly an abominable sin according to scripture, and other parts of scripture make it clear that we should be "making a covenant" with our eyes to not look at women (Job 31:1) and that it is adultery to look at a woman with lust (Matthew 5:28), I'd say it's clear that anything that you set your eyes upon with lust is sinful adultery, and somewhat synonymous with fornication (in fact, the same Greek word for sexual immorality, porneia, is also used for fornication).
It's easy to see that the nude form of women is porn. But what about all of the other readily available images of women in our society? Each man needs to answer that question for themselves - HONESTLY.
Watching or surfing for things that are deeply sensual is likely going to get those same hormones running, and I doubt that any man looking at cadres of swimsuits or lingerie or other states of skinful undress is not going to lust. Certainly if your desire is to masturbate or get the exciting pop that you might when surfing porn, you've gone too far. The "looking after another woman in lust" certainly doesn't mention any manner of undress of the ladies you are looking at. You need to avoid any situation that would cause you to lust after women.
If you look at a fully clothed woman and allow yourself to undress her with your imagination, whether out in society or on TV, you need to do something about what you are viewing. Not watching TV would be a good start, if it constantly leads you to lust. Avoiding places filled with scantily clad women when you are out and about is a must. Window shopping at the mall is probably a bad idea, for example. Limiting your exposure to people in general might be wise, especially as you begin to build your strength against temptation.
I myself continue to struggle with masturbation and the occasional viewing of sensual material. I am realizing that these things are a part of the same spiritual bondage that I want to escape from, the pornographic demon that I want off my back, permanently. I am realizing that I need to pray specifically about these things and practice the continued exit strategies that will help me to "flee sexual immorality". Every stolen thought or look is a chip away from my manhood, as well as a nail in the coffin of my relationship with my wife. I need to be removing those nails and building back up my confidence in who I am, not constantly trading the real life interactions (as difficult as they may be) for false control structures.
I hope this helps you to realize the compromise that you may have been making as well, and I pray that you will learn to fight against every modicum of lust in your heart.
My definition of porn to her was "the nude image of a woman other than my wife". Although that is a good start, I think that I am realizing that the porneia spoken about in the bible doesn't just stop there. Porneia is sexual immorality, and while the word usage normally centered upon the prostitution associated with the temples during that age in Greek society, there is ample evidence from other Greek literature that the use of the Koine Greek (the language of the New Testament) word porneia ventures into all forms of sexual immorality.
If a man masturbates while watching porn, the hormones and neuro-chemicals that he releases are actually causing his mind to be mapped to the images in front of him; so much so that addicts are continually drawn to the undulating images and are patternistically drawn to particular genres of sites, porn actresses, etc; maybe particular hair colors, maybe particular activities. The point being, a man will continue to find affinity with the characters represented in the pixels, and his soul will be bound to the "prostitutes" on the computer screen equally as much as if he had fornicated with a real prostitute at the local temple of some deity.The bible is pretty strong about avoiding adultery and fornication, as a believer joins the Holy Spirit with the prostitute, which is an evil act. You are actually subjecting the "new creation", the eternal being at the core of your soul that is inexorably connected with God via the Holy Spirit, with sin. Since this is clearly an abominable sin according to scripture, and other parts of scripture make it clear that we should be "making a covenant" with our eyes to not look at women (Job 31:1) and that it is adultery to look at a woman with lust (Matthew 5:28), I'd say it's clear that anything that you set your eyes upon with lust is sinful adultery, and somewhat synonymous with fornication (in fact, the same Greek word for sexual immorality, porneia, is also used for fornication).
It's easy to see that the nude form of women is porn. But what about all of the other readily available images of women in our society? Each man needs to answer that question for themselves - HONESTLY.
Watching or surfing for things that are deeply sensual is likely going to get those same hormones running, and I doubt that any man looking at cadres of swimsuits or lingerie or other states of skinful undress is not going to lust. Certainly if your desire is to masturbate or get the exciting pop that you might when surfing porn, you've gone too far. The "looking after another woman in lust" certainly doesn't mention any manner of undress of the ladies you are looking at. You need to avoid any situation that would cause you to lust after women.
If you look at a fully clothed woman and allow yourself to undress her with your imagination, whether out in society or on TV, you need to do something about what you are viewing. Not watching TV would be a good start, if it constantly leads you to lust. Avoiding places filled with scantily clad women when you are out and about is a must. Window shopping at the mall is probably a bad idea, for example. Limiting your exposure to people in general might be wise, especially as you begin to build your strength against temptation.I myself continue to struggle with masturbation and the occasional viewing of sensual material. I am realizing that these things are a part of the same spiritual bondage that I want to escape from, the pornographic demon that I want off my back, permanently. I am realizing that I need to pray specifically about these things and practice the continued exit strategies that will help me to "flee sexual immorality". Every stolen thought or look is a chip away from my manhood, as well as a nail in the coffin of my relationship with my wife. I need to be removing those nails and building back up my confidence in who I am, not constantly trading the real life interactions (as difficult as they may be) for false control structures.
I hope this helps you to realize the compromise that you may have been making as well, and I pray that you will learn to fight against every modicum of lust in your heart.
Saturday, October 31, 2015
Lightcore Porn - Whether or Not Art Can Be Considered Pornographic
I've read that many within faith movements do not consider art forms to be pornographic in nature. This is interesting since many within the reformation and counter reformation movements objected to nudity in art. In fact, Michelangelo was made to re-paint portions of his Last Judgement fresco because of doctrinal inaccuracy and nudity. Many of his paintings came under scrutiny by the church at large.
But fast forwarding to our present age, there are very, very few that reject to nudity in art in our modern realm, just as there are many that think that hardcore porn has its place in relationships and does little damage to a person's brain (more on this in another post, where I will prove the damage that it does to relationships and the individual's brain).
But I think the most important question on the matter is whether God views nudity as acceptable in any setting. So this post will focus a bit on some of the scriptures that focus on nudity, and whether the pure nudity itself is considered pornographic.
The first and most classic example of nudity in the bible is Adam and Eve. They initially walked in
the garden, naked and feeling no shame over it. But their sin and the subsequent fall of mankind led to their eyes being opened, "...and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves." Sin nature itself caused them to have knowledge of good and evil (not that evil didn't exist already, as Satan had already fallen, but that man did not have a knowledge of it, which allowed them to be free of it). Because sin came into the world, evil came into the world, and shame came with it. Nakedness, which previously had no shame, suddenly was sinful and shameful. And God slaughtered an animal to make sufficient coverings for them, to cover their sin. God Himself recognized that their nakedness needed to be covered, and demonstrated that death was now the norm of a sinful world and of the solution to cover sin (a foreshadowing of the cross). This sets the foundation for all of creation, and the fact that nudity was to be kept covered at all times...
The next time we encounter nakedness as a sin is in the case of Noah...
The law of Moses forbade the viewing of a family member's nakedness. In an age where taking multiple wives was kosher, taking a mother and a daughter to uncover their nakedness was not.
The priests were not allowed to go up the steps to the sacrificial alter without some kind of undergarment to keep their nakedness covered: "And you shall not go up by steps to My altar, so that your nakedness will not be exposed on it." (Exodus 20:26)
The prophets, when expressing God's displeasure with Israel, said that their nakedness would be exposed as a PUNISHMENT: "Behold, I am against you," declares the LORD of hosts; "And I will lift up your skirts over your face, And show to the nations your nakedness And to the kingdoms your disgrace." (Nahum 3:5). There are several cases where the prophets and kings themselves were commanded to go naked to illustrate the shame of Israel - this was obviously not a norm, but an illustration of judgement.
In Isaiah 47, we see an illustration of God being displeased with Babylon, and the sole sin of the analogy, it seems, is that woman representing Babylon exposed her thighs as she waded in the rivers... "Take the millstones and grind meal. Remove your veil, strip off the skirt, Uncover the leg, cross the rivers. Your nakedness will be uncovered, Your shame also will be exposed; I will take vengeance and will not spare a man." (I wonder how God views bikinis, in lieu of this???)
In 1 Timothy 2:9, we see that women are abjured to dress modestly, and not in a bold manner, not drawing the eyes to parts of their bodies that would cause others to sin, in essence of the language itself. Modest apparel of that age was a long robe that did not accentuate the figure in any way.
There are many, many, many references to nakedness indicating a distressed, poor, and depraved state, one that God does not approve of and is often considered judgement by God. How then are we to celebrate nudity in our finest art forms?
The Renaissance was considered an age of freedom for the art form, a "throwing off" of the archaic rules of the church and all its frugality. In truth, it was rebellion against the word of God in many ways. Reformers and Counter-Reformers alike spoke out against nudity in art. The Puritans absolutely shirked such forms as absolute pornography. If we were to look in a Playboy or Penthouse magazine and paint the things that we see therein, what difference does it make if there is a background or other manners of fantasy surrounding the nude form? Should Playboy and Penthouse be considered art, if we have fantasy or artistic backgrounds surrounding the nude form? Certainly not. It is pornography, meant to evoke powerful emotions in the viewer, just like a gratuitous sex scene in a movie (often times I am enjoying a great movie, until there is a sex scene that had no place in the movie at all - gratuitous sex to draw the flesh in even more).
The heart of man is deceitfully wicked, and we are idol factories that easily press against the limits of God's word and cause us to pose, as Satan did, "Did God really say that?" I think if you look at the core of that question, it is a challenge to God's ways, what He says is pure and holy and true. If you are constantly doing that to God's word, you may want to consider your relationship with a Lord who made you and loves you and desires what is best for you.
But fast forwarding to our present age, there are very, very few that reject to nudity in art in our modern realm, just as there are many that think that hardcore porn has its place in relationships and does little damage to a person's brain (more on this in another post, where I will prove the damage that it does to relationships and the individual's brain).But I think the most important question on the matter is whether God views nudity as acceptable in any setting. So this post will focus a bit on some of the scriptures that focus on nudity, and whether the pure nudity itself is considered pornographic.
The first and most classic example of nudity in the bible is Adam and Eve. They initially walked in
the garden, naked and feeling no shame over it. But their sin and the subsequent fall of mankind led to their eyes being opened, "...and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves." Sin nature itself caused them to have knowledge of good and evil (not that evil didn't exist already, as Satan had already fallen, but that man did not have a knowledge of it, which allowed them to be free of it). Because sin came into the world, evil came into the world, and shame came with it. Nakedness, which previously had no shame, suddenly was sinful and shameful. And God slaughtered an animal to make sufficient coverings for them, to cover their sin. God Himself recognized that their nakedness needed to be covered, and demonstrated that death was now the norm of a sinful world and of the solution to cover sin (a foreshadowing of the cross). This sets the foundation for all of creation, and the fact that nudity was to be kept covered at all times...
The next time we encounter nakedness as a sin is in the case of Noah...
Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brothers outside. But Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it upon both their shoulders and walked backward and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were turned away, so that they did not see their father's nakedness. When Noah awoke from his wine and found out what his youngest son had done to him, he said, “Cursed be Canaan! The lowest of slaves will he be to his brothers.”(Genesis 9:22-25)Just because Ham saw his father's nakedness, looked upon him unashamedly, and went and reported it to his brothers, his whole family line became cursed.
The law of Moses forbade the viewing of a family member's nakedness. In an age where taking multiple wives was kosher, taking a mother and a daughter to uncover their nakedness was not.
The priests were not allowed to go up the steps to the sacrificial alter without some kind of undergarment to keep their nakedness covered: "And you shall not go up by steps to My altar, so that your nakedness will not be exposed on it." (Exodus 20:26)
The prophets, when expressing God's displeasure with Israel, said that their nakedness would be exposed as a PUNISHMENT: "Behold, I am against you," declares the LORD of hosts; "And I will lift up your skirts over your face, And show to the nations your nakedness And to the kingdoms your disgrace." (Nahum 3:5). There are several cases where the prophets and kings themselves were commanded to go naked to illustrate the shame of Israel - this was obviously not a norm, but an illustration of judgement.
In Isaiah 47, we see an illustration of God being displeased with Babylon, and the sole sin of the analogy, it seems, is that woman representing Babylon exposed her thighs as she waded in the rivers... "Take the millstones and grind meal. Remove your veil, strip off the skirt, Uncover the leg, cross the rivers. Your nakedness will be uncovered, Your shame also will be exposed; I will take vengeance and will not spare a man." (I wonder how God views bikinis, in lieu of this???)
In 1 Timothy 2:9, we see that women are abjured to dress modestly, and not in a bold manner, not drawing the eyes to parts of their bodies that would cause others to sin, in essence of the language itself. Modest apparel of that age was a long robe that did not accentuate the figure in any way.
There are many, many, many references to nakedness indicating a distressed, poor, and depraved state, one that God does not approve of and is often considered judgement by God. How then are we to celebrate nudity in our finest art forms?
The Renaissance was considered an age of freedom for the art form, a "throwing off" of the archaic rules of the church and all its frugality. In truth, it was rebellion against the word of God in many ways. Reformers and Counter-Reformers alike spoke out against nudity in art. The Puritans absolutely shirked such forms as absolute pornography. If we were to look in a Playboy or Penthouse magazine and paint the things that we see therein, what difference does it make if there is a background or other manners of fantasy surrounding the nude form? Should Playboy and Penthouse be considered art, if we have fantasy or artistic backgrounds surrounding the nude form? Certainly not. It is pornography, meant to evoke powerful emotions in the viewer, just like a gratuitous sex scene in a movie (often times I am enjoying a great movie, until there is a sex scene that had no place in the movie at all - gratuitous sex to draw the flesh in even more).
The heart of man is deceitfully wicked, and we are idol factories that easily press against the limits of God's word and cause us to pose, as Satan did, "Did God really say that?" I think if you look at the core of that question, it is a challenge to God's ways, what He says is pure and holy and true. If you are constantly doing that to God's word, you may want to consider your relationship with a Lord who made you and loves you and desires what is best for you.
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
Thy Rod and Thy Staff, They Comfort Me
God chastises (punishes) those whom He loves.
I think that we as habitual sinners (my definition of the word 'addict', from a Christian point of view) need to learn to love God's ebb and flow in our lives. Certainly, there are a number of things in our life that have happened merely as a result of a fallen world and because of sin, whether our own or the influence of others. But it is also evident that God works directly in our lives at particular times, especially when the reset button needs to be set. Certainly He allows and even engineers all things to happen, and as a Christian we accept this and realize that all things work for good for those that love God.
For me, I had been addicted to porn for 40+ years, the spiritual bondage starting back to when I was a small child, too young to understand right from wrong. Porn became so inculcated into my life, it became normal, just an average part of my life; and the deception to cover it up was as normal as my mother's deception to cover up her drug habits, or to lie to keep from getting in trouble when I broke the rules, lest I get beaten severely. As an adult, my heart had been hardened to the consequences of my sin because it was so ingrained in me, I didn't see the damage that it was truly doing. I'm not sure I even thought about it logically. There was some level of conviction that what I was doing was wrong, went against God's ways, but the rewards of the flesh at the time were outweighing the rewards of the Spirit - I hadn't learned enough about God's love to realize that there was so much more fulfillment in Him than the pixels on the screen.
So God crushed me. Many times over.
My relationship took many, many hits over the porn thing. My wife, who had an immediate hatred for porn before we were even married, made it clear that she would NOT accept a man that was looking at other women's naked bodies. We continued as a family unit, and I think that my wife held on to a hope that I would change as I matured, but our hearts became hardened toward each other 18 years ago. A handful of explosions happened over the years, and each time my wife cyclically caught me looking at porn it chipped away at any hope that she had for our relationship. My children became exposed to porn several times accidentally, and they sometimes drew pictures of what they saw. I lost a solid job of 5+ years (along with the great benefits, including pension) because I had no self control and viewed porn on the work network. It took very little after that to put my wife further and further into depression and apathy for our marriage, much less anything that needed to be done for our family.
In August 2015, my wife finally put her foot down and said NO MORE. She wanted separation, possibly divorce. In fact, she seemed to be hoping for divorce to be rid of the man that she hated so much. It took me a few months to realize that I shouldn't have blamed her, based on all of the crap that I put her through over the years, as my selfishness evidenced itself in so many other ways than just viewing porn.
I have errantly blamed God for my sin over the years, saying that surely I couldn't help being affected toward porn the way that I have. But I have been missing the boat entirely, realizing that He wants to affect a miraculous change in my heart and that He has so much more to offer me. I was making Him into my enemy, an oppressive tyrant, when He has always been the disciplining Father that was trying to get me to stop my bad behavior and allow Him to heal me.
So I have learned to accept His discipline. I am currently alone, more lonely in a physical sense than I have ever been; but I'm not nearly as lonely as I was in my broken marriage, having viewed my marriage as the center of my joy that had been so utterly destroyed. As I refocus my life on Christ, I am somehow more full and feeling less lonely than I did with a household of people (family of 10).
I take trips home to serve my family as best I can - watching kids while my wife gets chores done, doing some dishes when needed, making dinner, reading to the kids before they go to bed. I am glad that I am allowed to have this interaction. I love my kids. And I love my wife more than ever before. I look in her eyes more, though I feel a sense of guilt that I have taken the glimmer out of her eyes that she once had as a younger woman. I look at pictures of her all the time and think about how each year, her eyes seem to get more dull with the weight of her husband's sins. I hope and pray that God will put that light back in her heart and in her eyes.
There seems to be such a spiritual funk that hangs over my house. I knew it before, but it is even more evident now. I'm working to bring my family before the word of God each time I visit, but it seems to fall on indifferent ears. Nevertheless, God's word will not return void, and I trust that He will do His work in their lives in His own time. I am praying for their healing, that they would seek God and heal from all of the hurt, bitterness, and frustration.
My current societal purgatory and the associated eye-opening revelations as to the impact of my own sin are completely necessary for my repentance and growth. I'm learning not to seek penance to pay for my sins (tetelestai, it is finished), and I am realizing that God brings us low so He can build us back up again. There is no reason to shake my fist at the heavens anymore. Instead, my hands are open, and I hold them up in praise. And I sing songs openly with tears in my eyes. God is so good to me, his rod and his crook bring me back into line with His will for my life, and it has begun to bring comfort to my soul to know that He cares enough to discipline and train me. Glory be to the one true God, who deserves all praise and worship.
I think that we as habitual sinners (my definition of the word 'addict', from a Christian point of view) need to learn to love God's ebb and flow in our lives. Certainly, there are a number of things in our life that have happened merely as a result of a fallen world and because of sin, whether our own or the influence of others. But it is also evident that God works directly in our lives at particular times, especially when the reset button needs to be set. Certainly He allows and even engineers all things to happen, and as a Christian we accept this and realize that all things work for good for those that love God.
For me, I had been addicted to porn for 40+ years, the spiritual bondage starting back to when I was a small child, too young to understand right from wrong. Porn became so inculcated into my life, it became normal, just an average part of my life; and the deception to cover it up was as normal as my mother's deception to cover up her drug habits, or to lie to keep from getting in trouble when I broke the rules, lest I get beaten severely. As an adult, my heart had been hardened to the consequences of my sin because it was so ingrained in me, I didn't see the damage that it was truly doing. I'm not sure I even thought about it logically. There was some level of conviction that what I was doing was wrong, went against God's ways, but the rewards of the flesh at the time were outweighing the rewards of the Spirit - I hadn't learned enough about God's love to realize that there was so much more fulfillment in Him than the pixels on the screen.
So God crushed me. Many times over.
My relationship took many, many hits over the porn thing. My wife, who had an immediate hatred for porn before we were even married, made it clear that she would NOT accept a man that was looking at other women's naked bodies. We continued as a family unit, and I think that my wife held on to a hope that I would change as I matured, but our hearts became hardened toward each other 18 years ago. A handful of explosions happened over the years, and each time my wife cyclically caught me looking at porn it chipped away at any hope that she had for our relationship. My children became exposed to porn several times accidentally, and they sometimes drew pictures of what they saw. I lost a solid job of 5+ years (along with the great benefits, including pension) because I had no self control and viewed porn on the work network. It took very little after that to put my wife further and further into depression and apathy for our marriage, much less anything that needed to be done for our family.
In August 2015, my wife finally put her foot down and said NO MORE. She wanted separation, possibly divorce. In fact, she seemed to be hoping for divorce to be rid of the man that she hated so much. It took me a few months to realize that I shouldn't have blamed her, based on all of the crap that I put her through over the years, as my selfishness evidenced itself in so many other ways than just viewing porn.I have errantly blamed God for my sin over the years, saying that surely I couldn't help being affected toward porn the way that I have. But I have been missing the boat entirely, realizing that He wants to affect a miraculous change in my heart and that He has so much more to offer me. I was making Him into my enemy, an oppressive tyrant, when He has always been the disciplining Father that was trying to get me to stop my bad behavior and allow Him to heal me.
So I have learned to accept His discipline. I am currently alone, more lonely in a physical sense than I have ever been; but I'm not nearly as lonely as I was in my broken marriage, having viewed my marriage as the center of my joy that had been so utterly destroyed. As I refocus my life on Christ, I am somehow more full and feeling less lonely than I did with a household of people (family of 10).
I take trips home to serve my family as best I can - watching kids while my wife gets chores done, doing some dishes when needed, making dinner, reading to the kids before they go to bed. I am glad that I am allowed to have this interaction. I love my kids. And I love my wife more than ever before. I look in her eyes more, though I feel a sense of guilt that I have taken the glimmer out of her eyes that she once had as a younger woman. I look at pictures of her all the time and think about how each year, her eyes seem to get more dull with the weight of her husband's sins. I hope and pray that God will put that light back in her heart and in her eyes.
There seems to be such a spiritual funk that hangs over my house. I knew it before, but it is even more evident now. I'm working to bring my family before the word of God each time I visit, but it seems to fall on indifferent ears. Nevertheless, God's word will not return void, and I trust that He will do His work in their lives in His own time. I am praying for their healing, that they would seek God and heal from all of the hurt, bitterness, and frustration.My current societal purgatory and the associated eye-opening revelations as to the impact of my own sin are completely necessary for my repentance and growth. I'm learning not to seek penance to pay for my sins (tetelestai, it is finished), and I am realizing that God brings us low so He can build us back up again. There is no reason to shake my fist at the heavens anymore. Instead, my hands are open, and I hold them up in praise. And I sing songs openly with tears in my eyes. God is so good to me, his rod and his crook bring me back into line with His will for my life, and it has begun to bring comfort to my soul to know that He cares enough to discipline and train me. Glory be to the one true God, who deserves all praise and worship.
Wednesday, October 7, 2015
Flee From Sin, But Don't Stop There
For those porn addicts, the bible is pretty clear that we are to flee from sexual immorality, from the porneia that can so easily settle into our hearts. I think the basic video that starts off the Covenant Eyes 40-Day Challenge (http://www.covenanteyes.com/challenge/) is very astute that you can't just stop there. They prescribe the following:
1. Run FROM
2. Run TO
3. Run WITH
First, you should flee sexual immorality. This particular sin joins the Holy Spirit to the body of a harlot. If you think that avoiding full coitus will keep you from dragging the Holy Spirit through your sinful acts, think again. Your body's chemical reactions are virtually the same in reaction to porn as they are with a full sexual act with a real woman. And if you think that you do not grieve the indwealt Holy Spirit with your eyes and hands when you perform sexual acts with yourself, you are deceiving yourself altogether. So, run AWAY from sin. Get away from the computer, out of the house if you need to. Create the hard-line boundaries in your life, no matter how important the object that you may need to cut from your life... "If your right hand should cause you to sin, cut it off". Install filters, or at least accountability software (Covenant Eyes is great, and there is a link to it in this blog). This is where victory begins, but you cannot merely empty a household of demons and not expect them to come back stronger than before. Your household, your temple of the Holy Spirit, needs to become a stronghold for God. That is accomplished in the next steps...
Second, you should run TO God. He is our salvation, our rock, our mighty fortress, and he will give us shelter from the storm and protection from ourselves and the great tormentor. We should fall on our faces before Him and beg Him for strength to resist temptation, for every temptation comes with a way out, and He can help us. Also, run to accountability partners, other strong believers that can help you get through these difficult moments. Whatever you do, get your mind off of the preoccupation of pleasuring yourself, and work to serve God and to serve others for the sake of God's kingdom and glory. Find a way to accomplish the very thing for which God made us - to glorify Him, and to enjoy Him forever. Find practical ways to get out of your isolation and serve others - widows and orphans in their distress, friends that might need you in their hour of need, or your family that very well may need any number of things done (you might have to do dishes - gasp!).
Third, you should run WITH God. True strength is not found by just avoiding sin, and not by just falling on your face before God, but in communing with and dwelling with God. God equips us with the full armor described in Ephesians 5, all elements of which are attributes that are purely provided by God; only through a full realization and full meditation of all of these attributes can we attain a renewing of our minds. Salvation, Righteousness, Truth, the Gospel, Faith, and the Word of God. These should all be ready in our arsenal as we go about our day. Find ways to pray for those who are close to you, and those that you meet for whom God gives you a heart. Meditate on God's word. Bring God into every situation and ask Him to show you how to glorify Him as you go about your business, as you shop, as you socialize, as you do everything. Pray without ceasing. Treasure His word in your heart. But most of all, ready yourself for battle.
1. Run FROM
2. Run TO
3. Run WITH
First, you should flee sexual immorality. This particular sin joins the Holy Spirit to the body of a harlot. If you think that avoiding full coitus will keep you from dragging the Holy Spirit through your sinful acts, think again. Your body's chemical reactions are virtually the same in reaction to porn as they are with a full sexual act with a real woman. And if you think that you do not grieve the indwealt Holy Spirit with your eyes and hands when you perform sexual acts with yourself, you are deceiving yourself altogether. So, run AWAY from sin. Get away from the computer, out of the house if you need to. Create the hard-line boundaries in your life, no matter how important the object that you may need to cut from your life... "If your right hand should cause you to sin, cut it off". Install filters, or at least accountability software (Covenant Eyes is great, and there is a link to it in this blog). This is where victory begins, but you cannot merely empty a household of demons and not expect them to come back stronger than before. Your household, your temple of the Holy Spirit, needs to become a stronghold for God. That is accomplished in the next steps...
Second, you should run TO God. He is our salvation, our rock, our mighty fortress, and he will give us shelter from the storm and protection from ourselves and the great tormentor. We should fall on our faces before Him and beg Him for strength to resist temptation, for every temptation comes with a way out, and He can help us. Also, run to accountability partners, other strong believers that can help you get through these difficult moments. Whatever you do, get your mind off of the preoccupation of pleasuring yourself, and work to serve God and to serve others for the sake of God's kingdom and glory. Find a way to accomplish the very thing for which God made us - to glorify Him, and to enjoy Him forever. Find practical ways to get out of your isolation and serve others - widows and orphans in their distress, friends that might need you in their hour of need, or your family that very well may need any number of things done (you might have to do dishes - gasp!).Third, you should run WITH God. True strength is not found by just avoiding sin, and not by just falling on your face before God, but in communing with and dwelling with God. God equips us with the full armor described in Ephesians 5, all elements of which are attributes that are purely provided by God; only through a full realization and full meditation of all of these attributes can we attain a renewing of our minds. Salvation, Righteousness, Truth, the Gospel, Faith, and the Word of God. These should all be ready in our arsenal as we go about our day. Find ways to pray for those who are close to you, and those that you meet for whom God gives you a heart. Meditate on God's word. Bring God into every situation and ask Him to show you how to glorify Him as you go about your business, as you shop, as you socialize, as you do everything. Pray without ceasing. Treasure His word in your heart. But most of all, ready yourself for battle.
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