Falling Off the Opposite Side of the Horse

When we fall in our areas of addiction, it's easy for us to say, "I fell off the wagon" and many will say, "get back on your horse, man." It's easy to see how we've fallen when we go in that direction; but what about when we act in the opposite and equally wrong manner toward sin? The answer is that there are two sides of a horse to fall off of.

On the one side of the horse is licentiousness, where we have questioned God's ways ("Has God really said...?"). It's easy to see that we fall when we question God's word, His ways, and eat of the forbidden fruit. When we commit idolatry, refuse to worship, conceitedly use God's authority and name, dishonor our elders, hate or murder, lust or adulterate ourselves, steal, bear false witness, or act out because we are discontent with what God has given us, we are breaking God's original 10 commandments. There are many offshoots of what it means to honor God and falling short thereof, but the most important of all is the acceptance (or, in sin, rejection) of the good news that Jesus has died for our sins and we are no longer condemned before the judgement seat of God - this is the only unforgivable sin, committed over a lifetime and carried to the grave.

In other words, falling off the left side of the horse is the transgression of God's law. But one can fall off the other side of a horse, as well.

On the other side of the horse is pharisee-ism. The Pharisees of Jesus' age were like the Orthodox
Jews of today, gathering around themselves all kinds of rules and traditions to keep themselves from breaking any part of God's Old Testament law. Unfortunately, in their self righteousness, they became the judge, jury, and executioners of what they thought was God's will. They were all too willing to point the finger of condemnation at others and yell, "AH-HA!!!!" They were often seen stoning others to death for their sins.

When Jesus came into this world, He ate dinner with prostitutes, tax collectors, and sinners. Sometimes he ate with pharisees, as well; when those pharisees muttered against other sinners present, He rebuked them. When He was preaching and He saw the leaders of the pharisees, or those that were sent to cause Him to stumble, He called them "the blind leading the blind", "white washed tombs filled with dead men's bones", and "pit of vipers", among other descriptions. In fact, He was more vehemently against their sins than those of the transgressors surrounding Him. These ultra-self-righteous religious leaders of Jesus' time on this earth could not do much else other than stand in judgement of others, and the extra rules that they gathered about themselves became a code of conduct that went above and beyond God's law, and gave them extra fire power to condemn others. They were harbingers of death, and all they did was threaten and cajole with the penalty of death hanging constantly over their words. They put burdens upon other's souls and made it more difficult for sinners to deal with their sins.

So, if licentiousness is falling off the one side of the horse because we are not following God's ways, we need to realize that falling off the other side of the horse (the right side?) is equally sinful, by judging others and condemning them... some things to keep in mind about this...

1. A continuous pattern of looking at others in self-righteousness should be a red flag to ourselves, that we are judging unduly. Though a recognition of sin is healthy, we should have a sorrow for others caught up in sin, and truly desire for them to turn to God.
2. Though it is good and holy to point out other's sins for the purpose of helping them to heal from their pain and to bring them into a better fellowship with God, it is not good to knock them down by continued confrontation and self-righteous anger over their sin.
3. If we do not forgive, it will not be forgiven us. This is an important part of what Jesus did on the cross. Though many wounds are unbearable and may take time to heal, if we do not release the person from the condemnation that we think they should have because of their sins - if we hope for hell, punishment, suffering, or we refuse to fellowship with or love a believer or family member, then we are saying that Jesus' death on the cross was not enough to pay for their sins, and we demand condemnation that goes beyond what is due a sinner. We should be willing to re-establish relationships when a sinner is truly repentant, and we should welcome them with love, as 2 Corinthians demonstrates. Granted, an unrepentant sinner should take time to prove their changed heart, but forgiveness is given long before trust...
4. For the unrepentant sinner, Matthew 18 describes a calm and controlled process by which the unrepentant one is disfellowshipped - not in a legalistic and angry manner, but in a manner that continues to work to win over that brother in Christ. They may be handed over to Satan for sifting, but the hope is that they return back to Christ and repent of their sins. A demonstrated change in behavior over time should allow them to be brought back into the fold, as 2 Corinthians demonstrates. Though they might not be trusted for a time, and extra steps may be taken to keep them walking in holiness, love should never be withheld, nor forgiveness. 
5. Though we should be aware of others' triggers and pathways to sin, we should continue to warn them in love of their path, prayerfully helping them as brothers and sisters in Christ to divert their paths and seek God on a regular basis. As addicts, this is important, because recognition of those things we know will bring us into habitual sin is important, and we can only help each other if we don't use a voice of condemnation and self-righteousness as we do so.
6. If you empower yourself over others by pointing out their past sins or their weaknesses in an area of sin, this is a matter of condemnation and a lack of forgiveness. You are putting yourself in the place of authority over that person in an unjust manner. Essentially, you are playing God over that person.
7. Pride has no place in God's kingdom. As I've said elsewhere, we should always realize that we play the part of a beggar, showing other beggars where to find the bread and water of life. No sin is worse than another, as far as what Jesus paid for on the cross, and if you think that it is your constant job to pull the splinter from your brother's eye, you need to remove the plank from your own eye first.

To Love, Even When it Hurts

Imagine Jesus on the cross, in immeasurable pain, bearing fully the wrath and burdens of the world's sin, and enduring the mockery and abuse of not only the religious and political leaders of that age, but those that only days before were singing Hallelujahs to Him as He rode a donkey into town. Now imagine that some of the people that are abusing Him will later be named as Christians and come to know His Love, even after the most extreme level of hatred toward Him. Peter later says these people he is addressing in Acts 2 are the ones who crucified Jesus, as they had demanded crucifixion in the Romans' court. His future children are there, killing Him. And yet Jesus looks with pity upon these mockers, haters, and extreme assailants and prays, "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do."

That is the kind of love that we are called to.

Now we believers in Christ, full of sin ourselves, are called to be more Christlike with every breath we take. Our complete focus is supposed to be kingdom- and spirit-driven. And yet we fall completely short of that goal with just about every action, if we are completely honest with ourselves (yet we are abjured to press on to win the prize). We deserve hell because of our sin, and yet God has invested so much mercy and grace in us so that we can give the same to others. Freely you have taken, freely you should give. And so our goal, in being more Christ-like, is to love those that have committed horrendous evils against us. But it seems like we have this stacked deck against us, this sin nature against which we fight that keeps us from being that good, that merciful, that forgiving. We are met with the imperfect that is constantly reaching to be more like the perfect, that we are striving and reaching to be more like the One that we cannot possibly be like until we meet Him face to face.

If our highest priority is to Love God with all of our heart, soul, mind, soul, and strength, then our focus should be on Him first, and how He has loved all of His children down through time no matter how hard-hearted they were, and with a longsuffering to their sins and indifference. So, no matter what is going on with your relationships, you need to realize that the time and care you spend with Him is of the utmost importance. ALSO, the scripture is clear that we love Him by obeying His ways. And His ways tell us to love everyone with no preference to ourselves.

The second highest priority is to love our neighbor as ourselves, and we know from the scriptures that neighbors are basically everyone that we come into contact with, including our so-called enemies (Satan notwithstanding). This becomes especially tough when you have a loved one that makes them self into your enemy, refusing to show you love or respect. It becomes demoralizing, and it can hurt for those that have issues with abandonment or rejection (I know I do).

But the first priority is what empowers us on to the second. Without the first, you can't really continue in the second. You can't love others if you don't have a sense of what love really is, a love that is from God, a love that is longsuffering and doesn't look for returns from that love.

Love hurts, especially when it is not reciprocated and those that are supposed to love you the most let you down constantly. But I would posit that if your focus in your relationship is based on whether or not you feel valued or accepted in life or even by God as a result of how other people love you, then your priorities are way out of whack. Maybe you even have some symptoms of addictions such as co-dependency, relationship addiction, emotional dependence, or other similar relationship-bound mental or spiritual disorders that can plague a believer.

Some focus on their own boulevard of broken dreams, the family that they were hoping for laying in a shambles all around them. Again, your vision is based on a return, something you are hoping to get out of the relationship, rather than a selfless love that is based on the sacrifice that God made for us. The Father gave His son, the son gave up the peace He had in heaven to come in the lowly human form and suffer mightily, and the Holy Spirit suffers through our many continued sins to minister to us and carry our prayers heavenward. God continues on with us, sometimes without promise of any return. So we should also look to our relationships and realize that there may never be a return.

If your children rebel, pray that they would come to know, love, and serve Christ, not primarily that they would love you. Perhaps in their love for God they will learn to love. If your spouse has fallen out of love for you and can't muster a speck of respect for you, pray that their relationship with God would be greater, then continue to love and serve them; pray for your marriage for the sake of serving God in the family unit, and that your spouse would also learn to love when it hurts. But if your goal is to FEEL fulfilled in your relationship, your focus is off a bit. Men, God wants us to love our wives as Christ loves the church, washing her in the word. I'd say that Christ continues to love the church when that love isn't returned, reaching out to sinners while they are still dead in their sins and trespasses to generate a new life in their hearts.

Pray for the strength, brothers and sisters. It hurts, but God will help you to BE fulfilled, both in this life and the next, though you may not FEEL it. Take your pain to Him, pray for strength, and do your best to love all others, even when it hurts. Jesus did.